Haha, a patient of mine just said that breastfeeding is like having a vice clamp down on your nipples. (Something tells me I won't be laughing when the time comes...)
Surprisingly, not many people can exactly recount what labor feels like. A lot of people just remember that it was agonizingly painful, but they can't seem to remember precise descriptions. I guess this is Nature's way of ensuring we have more children.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Feeling (and dressing) like a Mommy
First things first, this blog is mostly for new moms-to-be. A while back, most of my girlfriends asked for me to record my experiences as a new mom so they can come back and read tips and tricks for when their times comes (so far your mother has been the first to step into the unknown amongst her group of wingwomen). But before most of you skip over this section and think 'Oh I'll read this part in a couple of years', I do want to announce a couple of new news: I have now registered for your baby presents. (For those of you wondering, it's at http://www.babysrus.com/ and look for my name - Alice Holland)
I really honestly didn't want to set it up so soon. After all, it has only been 17 weeks. Some would say I'm in the second trimester and that I'm safe as home, but being someone who has never taken good news for granted, I'm still enjoying you with bated breath - almost like you might just slip out of hands (belly) as sneakily as you slipped into my life. Someday you will understand this Motherhood Paranoia when you have kids of your own. When I've waited and wished for you all my life, idiotically doubting my own fertility before you came, you just matter that much more to me. Anyways, corniness aside, I was egged on by your Auntie Susmitha by good intentions, and by your Po-po for selfish reasons. "What?!" your Po-po shrieked, "You don't know what sex it is yet?! That can't be!!" I told her we won't know until the big reveal at the ultrasound in October but she insisted "no, that's wrong, go get an ultrasound NOW. I need to know so I can buy her appropriate-colored clothes." So there you have it, your grandmother wants to pump you more of unnecessary radiation so that she can go shopping. Go figure. (No, kidding, she's just excited for your arrival)
Ok now for the new Moms-to-be: congratulations and read on:! ***Baby Holland if you're a BOY, I FORBID you to read further.*** If you're a girl, you will cringe at the following but whatevs, someday you're going to want to read this twice.
________________________________________________________________________________
I have always been a sucker for saving money gracefully. I'm not one to hunt through discount bins - the act of it just reminds me of dumpster diving. But I do have a keen eye and touch for quality and cost. Spend money on what's worth it, and blissfully forget the extraneous stuff.
First of all your breasts will be the size of melons in no time, and I am not kidding. Nothing feels as good as good support. Today I bought my first D (YES!!!) bras and I am ready to rock and roll in them. My sister told me to buy nursing bras, and yes I admit, at first sound you can't help but think of highly unattractive saggy boobs. But boy was I surprisingly wrong, my nursing bras are so unbelievably comfortable and sexy, (did I tell you the cups release in a click of a button in standard X-rated Fredericks of Hollywood fashion! .... for nursing of course : P) I feel like Heidi Klum ready to take on Seal. Buy them at Motherhood - forget about Pea in the Pod or any other expensive store.
Buy most of your clothes at Motherhood, in fact, because their prices are the best (and seriously, I don't care how wealthy you are, no one non-celebrity is ready for the cost of a child) and they have those nice belly pants with the awesome long spandex waist. Expensive stores tend to have pants with the elastic bunched up only a inch above the hips and only serve to constrict your bladder and make you want to pee more. Leave the maternity clothes to the pros who make them for a living. Don't overlook how Mommish Motherhood's clothes are, they have some really cute stuff.
Only one thing is worth the Pea in the Pod price - their jeans. Today I bought THE SEXIEST pair of jeans I have ever owned. Tight and cupping the booty with just the right about of fade in the ass and right amount of slimming bootcut.
I have felt the sexiest today that I have felt in months.
_________________________________________________________________________________
I really honestly didn't want to set it up so soon. After all, it has only been 17 weeks. Some would say I'm in the second trimester and that I'm safe as home, but being someone who has never taken good news for granted, I'm still enjoying you with bated breath - almost like you might just slip out of hands (belly) as sneakily as you slipped into my life. Someday you will understand this Motherhood Paranoia when you have kids of your own. When I've waited and wished for you all my life, idiotically doubting my own fertility before you came, you just matter that much more to me. Anyways, corniness aside, I was egged on by your Auntie Susmitha by good intentions, and by your Po-po for selfish reasons. "What?!" your Po-po shrieked, "You don't know what sex it is yet?! That can't be!!" I told her we won't know until the big reveal at the ultrasound in October but she insisted "no, that's wrong, go get an ultrasound NOW. I need to know so I can buy her appropriate-colored clothes." So there you have it, your grandmother wants to pump you more of unnecessary radiation so that she can go shopping. Go figure. (No, kidding, she's just excited for your arrival)
Ok now for the new Moms-to-be: congratulations and read on:! ***Baby Holland if you're a BOY, I FORBID you to read further.*** If you're a girl, you will cringe at the following but whatevs, someday you're going to want to read this twice.
________________________________________________________________________________
I have always been a sucker for saving money gracefully. I'm not one to hunt through discount bins - the act of it just reminds me of dumpster diving. But I do have a keen eye and touch for quality and cost. Spend money on what's worth it, and blissfully forget the extraneous stuff.
First of all your breasts will be the size of melons in no time, and I am not kidding. Nothing feels as good as good support. Today I bought my first D (YES!!!) bras and I am ready to rock and roll in them. My sister told me to buy nursing bras, and yes I admit, at first sound you can't help but think of highly unattractive saggy boobs. But boy was I surprisingly wrong, my nursing bras are so unbelievably comfortable and sexy, (did I tell you the cups release in a click of a button in standard X-rated Fredericks of Hollywood fashion! .... for nursing of course : P) I feel like Heidi Klum ready to take on Seal. Buy them at Motherhood - forget about Pea in the Pod or any other expensive store.
Buy most of your clothes at Motherhood, in fact, because their prices are the best (and seriously, I don't care how wealthy you are, no one non-celebrity is ready for the cost of a child) and they have those nice belly pants with the awesome long spandex waist. Expensive stores tend to have pants with the elastic bunched up only a inch above the hips and only serve to constrict your bladder and make you want to pee more. Leave the maternity clothes to the pros who make them for a living. Don't overlook how Mommish Motherhood's clothes are, they have some really cute stuff.
Only one thing is worth the Pea in the Pod price - their jeans. Today I bought THE SEXIEST pair of jeans I have ever owned. Tight and cupping the booty with just the right about of fade in the ass and right amount of slimming bootcut.
I have felt the sexiest today that I have felt in months.
_________________________________________________________________________________
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Temper temper....
I don't want to blame this on being pregnant, but seeing how I acted yesterday I think I would have to.
Your father called me at work yesterday just when we were about to close up shop and said the dog got to the mangoes and had eaten them all over our living room carpet. Orange mango stains everywhere. We had a 5 minute argument on the phone about whether or not we have any stain removers. He eventually did as I told him to and found the bottle at the end of the conversation (you father likes to look for stuff with his mouth and not with his eyes). It should have ended right there, but it didn't...
I proceeded to drive in seething anger and bitterness back home. In my head all I saw was red. I wasted 5 minutes trying to talk him into looking for that darn bottle. I didn't care if rush hour governed 20 miles an hour at the time, I was going 50 weaving in and out and cussing with ridiculous road rage. I could practically feel the surge of hormones in me, bubbling out of control. When I got home, I planted it all on your dad. I screamed at the top of my lungs, I told him I was going to spend the evening in Holiday Inn (a very common empty threat of mine) and I'm going to kick that dog into a shelter. The fight lasted maybe one hour around a living room full of orange stains. I think your dad conceded because it was very obvious I was crazy.
After being calmed 25%, your dad offered to clean up the mango mess while I walked the dog. I took the biggest chef's knife I could find and while heading out the door with the dog, reconsidered this because a pissed off woman carrying a big knife could scare neighbors. So I exchanged weapons for the kitchen spatula. So there I was, walking the dog as pissed off as can be, bloody murder in my eyes, threatening the dog that she's going to go back where she came from if she didn't behave and a spatula weapon in my hand for no real reason. Then it started to rain. Oh dear, I wanted to tear down the trees and bushes with that plastic spatula. I wanted to cause front yard havoc like a Tasmanian Devil on speed. Yesterday was not a good day for poor pregnant Alice.
I eventually calmed down to normalcy, but am still haunted by the big angry hulk that I was yesterday. Scott, if you're reading this, I'm apologizing for my behavior. It was thoroughly embarassing and off-center, and it was definitely one of my low points as a human being ... but I can't promise I won't do it again.
Your father called me at work yesterday just when we were about to close up shop and said the dog got to the mangoes and had eaten them all over our living room carpet. Orange mango stains everywhere. We had a 5 minute argument on the phone about whether or not we have any stain removers. He eventually did as I told him to and found the bottle at the end of the conversation (you father likes to look for stuff with his mouth and not with his eyes). It should have ended right there, but it didn't...
I proceeded to drive in seething anger and bitterness back home. In my head all I saw was red. I wasted 5 minutes trying to talk him into looking for that darn bottle. I didn't care if rush hour governed 20 miles an hour at the time, I was going 50 weaving in and out and cussing with ridiculous road rage. I could practically feel the surge of hormones in me, bubbling out of control. When I got home, I planted it all on your dad. I screamed at the top of my lungs, I told him I was going to spend the evening in Holiday Inn (a very common empty threat of mine) and I'm going to kick that dog into a shelter. The fight lasted maybe one hour around a living room full of orange stains. I think your dad conceded because it was very obvious I was crazy.
After being calmed 25%, your dad offered to clean up the mango mess while I walked the dog. I took the biggest chef's knife I could find and while heading out the door with the dog, reconsidered this because a pissed off woman carrying a big knife could scare neighbors. So I exchanged weapons for the kitchen spatula. So there I was, walking the dog as pissed off as can be, bloody murder in my eyes, threatening the dog that she's going to go back where she came from if she didn't behave and a spatula weapon in my hand for no real reason. Then it started to rain. Oh dear, I wanted to tear down the trees and bushes with that plastic spatula. I wanted to cause front yard havoc like a Tasmanian Devil on speed. Yesterday was not a good day for poor pregnant Alice.
I eventually calmed down to normalcy, but am still haunted by the big angry hulk that I was yesterday. Scott, if you're reading this, I'm apologizing for my behavior. It was thoroughly embarassing and off-center, and it was definitely one of my low points as a human being ... but I can't promise I won't do it again.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Wow where did this come from?
I took your dad on a splurge trip to Seattle for his birthday. He absolutely loved it, and from the looks of how much you've grown, you did too. I frankly was really looking forward to this trip primarily because of the eating. And boy, we ate a lot - and Seattle is the best place for it too - Foodie's Paradise. When you're old enough and your palate is diverse enough, I'll take you there for all-out binge.
So I woke up on Tuesday morning, on my back with a big bump on my stomach. Usually my fatty belly collapses into my abdominal cavity and for the morning I would feel like a skinny supermodel ... at least until I get up then gravity takes over. But that morning, I looked like I ate a whole watermelon and it was still swimming in my gut. I think that's you! Your dad was so excited he reached over to get lotion to rub on my stomach to help with the stretch marks. Your dad loves you so much already he talks to you and says things behind my back. I hope you're feeling all of this when you're in there!
OK so besides the baby bump, there have been other changes as well. The nausea has lifted, and the apetite continues to grow. I now eat 2 lunches : ) and I bought my first batch of maternity clothes last night. I felt so bad buying a whole entire wardrobe full of clothes. You see, your mother doesn't usually spend much money often, and last night she dropped $250 (which is probably equivalent to $15,000 in your generation's money accounting for inflation). I was practically hearing Suze Orman in my head saying "DENIED!!! You have a baby on the way and a mortgage to pay, you are NOT going to spend money on anymore clothes you understand girlfriend? DENIED!!!!" (Your Mom is a dork, yes, and you will be forced to watch episodes of Suze Orman - reruns when she retires - every weekend.)
Until next time, keep growing!!!
So I woke up on Tuesday morning, on my back with a big bump on my stomach. Usually my fatty belly collapses into my abdominal cavity and for the morning I would feel like a skinny supermodel ... at least until I get up then gravity takes over. But that morning, I looked like I ate a whole watermelon and it was still swimming in my gut. I think that's you! Your dad was so excited he reached over to get lotion to rub on my stomach to help with the stretch marks. Your dad loves you so much already he talks to you and says things behind my back. I hope you're feeling all of this when you're in there!
OK so besides the baby bump, there have been other changes as well. The nausea has lifted, and the apetite continues to grow. I now eat 2 lunches : ) and I bought my first batch of maternity clothes last night. I felt so bad buying a whole entire wardrobe full of clothes. You see, your mother doesn't usually spend much money often, and last night she dropped $250 (which is probably equivalent to $15,000 in your generation's money accounting for inflation). I was practically hearing Suze Orman in my head saying "DENIED!!! You have a baby on the way and a mortgage to pay, you are NOT going to spend money on anymore clothes you understand girlfriend? DENIED!!!!" (Your Mom is a dork, yes, and you will be forced to watch episodes of Suze Orman - reruns when she retires - every weekend.)
Until next time, keep growing!!!
Monday, August 2, 2010
You really are in there!
Today we went for our Week 13 visit to the midwife's and it was short and sweet visit. As a new Mom who wanted everything to be alright, I was down to be poked prodded, examined, looked under a microscope to see if all bells and whistles were working fine. Imagine my surprise when I found out, after all that gorging and snacking and cooking I've done, that I've only gained 1/2 a pound! I was scared. Are you even there? Are you too little? But all my nerves were calmed when the Doppler signaled your quick thump-thump-thump. Your dad and I listened to it for a few minutes, we were smiling and we were so happy - there's a little rabbit in there living and breathing and has a little heart working so hard to grow. 161 beats/minute!! Helen said normal is 120-160 bpm is in the normal range but a little over is just fine. It also might indicate that you might be girl!
A few nights ago I had another dream of you. I dreamt that I gave birth to you at 17 weeks. The doctor put me under so that labor would be nice and easy (like going to the dentist and having a cavity filled). When you came out you were wrapped in a pink blanket but your big (I mean BIG) head was poking out of the bundle. You looked like Leonardo Dicaprio with blue eyes, complete with hair. You yawned and looked at Dad and said, "What is your name?" Dad said "Scott." and you said "Nice to meet you, Scott." It was the most surreal dream ever.
A few nights ago I had another dream of you. I dreamt that I gave birth to you at 17 weeks. The doctor put me under so that labor would be nice and easy (like going to the dentist and having a cavity filled). When you came out you were wrapped in a pink blanket but your big (I mean BIG) head was poking out of the bundle. You looked like Leonardo Dicaprio with blue eyes, complete with hair. You yawned and looked at Dad and said, "What is your name?" Dad said "Scott." and you said "Nice to meet you, Scott." It was the most surreal dream ever.
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