Mama Bear

Today I went out for a walk around Nobles Wood park near our house. It was raining and muggy, typical Oregonian winter, but I had just bought a nifty Columbia rain jacket and I wanted to sport my new Oregonian-esque attire.

So there I was, chillin and strollin with my IPOD in blasting Red Hot Chili Peppers, and I hear this YAPYAPYAPYAPYAP. I look around and I can't see what's making that noise, so I ignore it and walk a little further. Then around the corner I see this 10 pound chihuahua bearing its teeth and running after me GRRYAPYAPYAPYAPYAPGRRRR. That thing looked fierce. My first instinct was flight.

So flight I did, for all I could think about was the searing hot pain of sharp chihuahua teeth sinking down into my achilles. Coincidentally, it must have been the adrenaline, but you kicked me so hard in the belly it felt like you were running away from the dog too. I must have ran about 100 feet but I heard the dog gaining up on me. I'm pregnant, belly about the size of watermelon, I can't possibly outrun this monster. Somewhere in my mind I remember how much dogs love to chase and rethought my strategy. So I turned around and gave it the meanest loudest teeth-baring growl ever. "ROOOOOOOWWWWWRRRRRR! You fucking dog!! You want to fight? I'll fucking punt you!" The shitdog jumped and turned around, ran about 5 feet away from me, then stayed in its spot yapyapyapping.

Finally the owner, an old Chinese man, comes walking towards us after his dog. "Whadda da matter? Is so little! Is so little can't hurt you!" (Factoid: number 1 most dangerous dog in the country: the chihuahua. Those things are mean and can tear your face up so bad you'd forever cry just looking at your reflection.) OK freak-out time.

Mama Bear: "I AM PREGNANT! I AM WITH CHILD. IF THAT DOG DID ANY HARM TO ME YOU ARE DOING HARM TO MY UNBORN BABY. YOU BETTER LEARN HOW TO GET A HOLD OF YOUR DOG, FOR IF I FELL OR GOT HURT FROM YOUR STUPID DOG, TRUST .... TRUST! ..... THAT I WILL COME AFTER YOU. YOU !"

The old man looked at my stomach and looked down. "Sorry, sorry." That's right. Alice vs. Old Chinese Man. One to Nothing.

See, to understand the weight of what happened, your mother doesn't usually lose her temper on people she doesn't know. (It's usually on Dad) I hardly ever raise my voice to people, and never ever old people. Even when I do, it's usually pretty mild, but only after I've reached my boiling point. But this time, you and your well-being was involved. And I will gladly turn into a psycho maniac if it means that nothing and no one will harm my child. Even a 10 pound useless chihuahua. I have carried you for almost 7 months now, caring for you like a precious egg, and NOTHING will get in the way of me smelling your baby hair and watching you grow up.

I know, I know, you're probably reading this and thinking, Man, Mom cusses a lot. I told you I'm not perfect. But you're also probably thinking, Jesus calm down it's just a chihuahua. To tell you the truth, I didn't care what it was, a chihuahua or a 1/2 ton Brown Bear from Alaska, I would still have stood there and and fought that thing (and that old man) with everything I've got. After running away first. Just a little.

So this is a warning to anyone who crosses my path: you better watch your step, give us some room, or I will CUT YOU.

Your First Birth Celebration

I know this is not your first birthday, as you are not even born yet, but I want you to know how special you are to have such a huge and supportive group of Aunties, excitedly waiting with bated breath for your arrival.

Your dad and I travelled to Southern California to visit friends and family this week. Our first stop was at your Aunty Denise's house where she and Aunt Susmitha hosted a fun-filled baby shower for you. There were baby animal decorations, even a large pink cake, lots and lots of balloons, and lots of fun activities. My favorite was eating baby food and guessing what ungodly-tasting product unnamed baby jars contained. It smelled absolutely disgusting. Like baby upchuck. Dad and I will do our best to puree some fresh adult food for you instead of resorting to those expensive jars of cat vomit. One of them was actually flavored chicken noodle soup. I think the real thing would have been more humane than a regurgitated bottled version of it. Your aunt Julie has already made some good suggestions on how to make regular food into mush that you can taste and digest. Although I'm not sure whether we would have the patience to peel and slice 20 grapes, we will try our best.

You received a ton of presents so far - a lot of pink clothes and a lot of cute socks. Aunt Julie (Cox) got you your first outfit, and Aunt Susmitha and Denise got you your state-of-the-art baby monitor. Trust that dad will probably still use that baby monitor to listen on you even after you're done being a baby. He's already pretty protective of you, so I can only guess that it will get worse from here. (I'll have to show you some sneaky ways around him later *wink*) The biggest surprise was a box full of books that Meemaw and Maura sent you via Aunt Sus. I am so looking forward to reading to you my little one. Aunt Maria got you a playmat (which also serves as our entertainment too ... boy, toys these days are really quite cool), aunt Stephanie got you a playpen, and Grandma Mary got me a device to milk myself with.

We saw all of your dad's friends and drinking/pool buddies. It looks like they're very well headed to where your mom and dad are right now. Sure enough, soon you'll have a new set of baby friends though with more Idahoan accents. Don't worry, you're the oldest so you can always kick their butts.

During the trip I also managed to catch a cold from your father. After 10 days of being completely symptom-free, I was feeling over-confident and indestructible. Now you have to hear us blowing our noses in the middle of the night and random coughing fits. I hope you're not feeling any different in there, just maybe a little noisier.

Well that's enough from me for now. My sinuses are congested and my head feels heavy and dizzy. All in all, this was one of the best and relaxing trips we've had in California. Your mother is so lucky and blessed to have such loving and supportive friends to see her through this pregnancy. I don't know what I did to deserve all of their love, but I sure as hell will always be there to reciprocate. Sleep tight, I will be reading you Goodnight Moon very soon.