I don't want to blame this on being pregnant, but seeing how I acted yesterday I think I would have to.
Your father called me at work yesterday just when we were about to close up shop and said the dog got to the mangoes and had eaten them all over our living room carpet. Orange mango stains everywhere. We had a 5 minute argument on the phone about whether or not we have any stain removers. He eventually did as I told him to and found the bottle at the end of the conversation (you father likes to look for stuff with his mouth and not with his eyes). It should have ended right there, but it didn't...
I proceeded to drive in seething anger and bitterness back home. In my head all I saw was red. I wasted 5 minutes trying to talk him into looking for that darn bottle. I didn't care if rush hour governed 20 miles an hour at the time, I was going 50 weaving in and out and cussing with ridiculous road rage. I could practically feel the surge of hormones in me, bubbling out of control. When I got home, I planted it all on your dad. I screamed at the top of my lungs, I told him I was going to spend the evening in Holiday Inn (a very common empty threat of mine) and I'm going to kick that dog into a shelter. The fight lasted maybe one hour around a living room full of orange stains. I think your dad conceded because it was very obvious I was crazy.
After being calmed 25%, your dad offered to clean up the mango mess while I walked the dog. I took the biggest chef's knife I could find and while heading out the door with the dog, reconsidered this because a pissed off woman carrying a big knife could scare neighbors. So I exchanged weapons for the kitchen spatula. So there I was, walking the dog as pissed off as can be, bloody murder in my eyes, threatening the dog that she's going to go back where she came from if she didn't behave and a spatula weapon in my hand for no real reason. Then it started to rain. Oh dear, I wanted to tear down the trees and bushes with that plastic spatula. I wanted to cause front yard havoc like a Tasmanian Devil on speed. Yesterday was not a good day for poor pregnant Alice.
I eventually calmed down to normalcy, but am still haunted by the big angry hulk that I was yesterday. Scott, if you're reading this, I'm apologizing for my behavior. It was thoroughly embarassing and off-center, and it was definitely one of my low points as a human being ... but I can't promise I won't do it again.
Seeing as though I was there to hear the first part of the argument...I find this to be pretty funny...although I imagine that Scott was not excited by crazy hulk Alice...I am glad that you are documenting this! :)
ReplyDeleteAlice, it is okay. This is actually completely normal during pregnancy. How do I know this? My coworker just had her first grandkid on Tuesday. Apparently, her daughter had insisted that she could not stay at her house because of the large dogs and it being out in the country, telling her she should get a hotel room instead. Guess what happened after the baby was born? She forgot everything she had said about it and asked where she was headed. When my co-worker replied "a hotel", she gasped in surprise and ordered her husband to hand the keys to Sally for her to stay at their place. Please remember when you are upset, or sad, and I know it is probably crazy hard to remember, but this is all temporary, and once all those hormones are gone, you will be back to normal with an awesome baby in tow. :) Love you (crazy or not)!
ReplyDeleteaww true love, warts and all..:)
ReplyDeleteLOL!! I have seen a glimpse of Hulk Alice once upon a time. I can only imagine how it must be amplified these days. Good times! You can tell Scott he can call me for moral support. Or a hiding place next time the Hulk comes back.
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