I wanted to write this blog today just in case I pop in the next couple of days. I want to share with all of you the important jewels I've learned throughout my 9 month journey in pregnanthood. I know that most of you Moms-to-be have your own pregnancy books and manuals, but I'm going to cover things that aren't even remotely mentioned in those manuals. So here goes:
TIP #1: DO NOT LISTEN TO NEGATIVE PEOPLE I work with people on a constant basis as a physical therapist. Most mean well, but also most almost ALWAYS gives you a nightmare story of a friend's friend negative experiences of pregnancy and birth. I've heard pretty much all of them and it is the most irritating thing to sit and listen through. Though I have to admit that they got to me. Every week I go through a worry period of repeating those nightmare scenarios in my own pregnancy. Part of me doesn't want to mention it in this blog, but I feel like I have to write them here for all to see, not as a list of nightmare scenarios that could happen to you/me, but to lay them all out on the table so we can all see how negative and inconsiderate some people can get without even realizing it. I've contained it in a paragraphed line, so if you don't want to read the following, then please skip it. If you are pregnant and reading this, please concentrate on the positive and surround yourself with calm, positive people who remind you that everything will be fine.
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I have had numerous patients reiterate to me over and over again about how painful birth is. That it will be the most atrocious and gut-wrenching feeling anyone could go through. Now, I am not doubting them nor am I discounting them especially since I've never been through labor before, but I feel like their telling me how bad it's going to be distracts me from the true beauty of pregnancy and birth: to bring my daughter into the world. Labor is a feeling unlike any other, and it feels different from woman to woman. Yes it's intense, and everyone has their own experiences with it, but it doesn't have to be yours. If you're worried about labor, surround yourself with people who reassure you, "You will be just fine, and it will be amazing." I derive my calmness and strength from such people, and I am so appreciative of them.
As scarey as it may seem, people actually give me their stillborn stories. As yet, I have met NO ONE who has had this experience first-hand. And I meet A LOT of people at my job. These stories are always about a friend of a friend who knew of a friend who had an experience. These stories were enough to keep me awake at night feeling my belly for kicks and movement, freaking out when Ava is sleeping and silent. I have googled it on the internet so many times and have looked at so many statistical figures, wondering if I'm an unlucky one. I have wasted so much angst and effort in this stupidity that I resent meeting the women who told me these stories. I find them malicious and mean-spirited that they feel the need to share these things with a mother who already is submerged in a hormonal casserole. Shame on them. Please shun these people from your life (unless if your income derives from seeing them like me) and don't even talk to them anymore about your pregnancy.
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TIP # 2: KNOW YOUR LIMITS. Your physical ones and your emotional ones.
Physically, my limit is very very far. I pride myself in being fit and strong and able to take on any physical task. So, I was still lifting 45 lb weights at work until my 8th month of pregnancy. By about the 9th month, my belly was too big and 45lbs was too much to carry so far away from my torso, so I dropped my limit to 30lbs. Also, I tried not to get down on the floor or bend over too much. I kneeled a lot when patients were on the floor doing exercises, or I used a rolling stool, always trying to keep my back straight. I'm proud to say that I haven't had any back pain during the day, and I think keeping active has helped with this. I am currently moving into my 40th week and I'm still walking the dog with Scott, twice a day. So please, just because you are pregnant, it doesn't mean you are incapacitated. You can still hike, swim, walk, exercise, lift weights so long as you feel fine doing those activities. Around the 6th month I started to get really winded on long hikes (>9 miles) and Scott and I had to drop them from our weekend agenda. Being pregnant, you don't lose your strength, you lose endurance.
I have heard of so many people going on bedrest or couchrest, becoming overly inactive and gaining gobs of weight. I may have different genetics, but I have to take pride in saying that I don't have cankles, I don't have a swollen face, and I don't have a tire around my waist. I have gained 36 lbs so far, which I know is on the higher end of medical recommendations, but I feel great. I might have gained fat from eating more than usual, but not so much that I feel I've "let go". So get up and move around a little ... or a lot. It's super healthy and keeps everything (blood sugar, pressure) in check.
I'd love to say that emotionally I had a handle on it too, but I think this is where I could have done better. There was a time in December in my 7th/8th month that I just couldn't take on any stress. Because I was physically very capable I equated that to being mentally and emotionally robust. But that wasn't the case. I was frustrated that I wasn't being treated differently by people around me, and I was annoyed by the fact that work was getting more and more hectic (I would see a patient every half hour, no aide, for 7 hours a day) and the physicality of rushing here and there was too much for my brain (and feet) to bare. Compound that with in-laws visiting for Christmas, and it all left me with little down time to rest and relax. I was an emotional wreck. I cried at my midwife's appointment, which I felt bad doing because she thought it was all my husband's fault. Truthfully, it was 99% my own fault. As much as people tell me to slow down, I couldn't bring myself to admitting that I wasn't the same Alice anymore. It took a few weeks for me to realize this and make a change in my mentaility. Accepting help from outside sources and admitting to onself that one is weak ... is a really tough thing to do. As a pregnant woman, I urge you to reflect on how you're doing in all aspects of your life, and make sure you communicate this to your hubby/partner. Tell him your worries about finances, your worries about work, your physical pains, and your sources of stress (as little as they may be) because I guarantee you that he will do everything in his power to make you feel better ... and don't be ashamed.
Tip #3: YOGA PANTS. My ultimate, favorite maternity wear is actually not a maternity garment at all - it's yoga pants. Surprisingly, as big as I am right now, I am still wearing them as I write this blog. Buy 3-4 pairs of foldover yoga pants in your regular pre-pregnancy size and make sure they have stretchy lycra in it. My favorite are those ordered from Victoria Secret catalog ($25 each). They're super versatile and comfy. Unfold the waistband and you have your ultimate maternity pants. Post-birth, you'd probably still wear them until you can fold them down again.
Tip #4: A GOOD BRA. Towards the later months of your pregnancy, get maternity bras that look like sports bras. Don't get ones with underwire, they plug up milk ducts and not only could it ruin breastfeeding later, but it's not very comfortable. I liked the bras that had a sports-back to it. That way I never have to worry about falling straps on my shoulders. Oh, also, wear a sports bra to bed - it keeps the sisters uppity and prevents them from going saggedy.
Tip #5: GO TO A BREATFEEDING CLASS. It was the most rewarding experience for me and Scott. We had signed up to this hippy breastfeeding class taught by a doula. We expected to be sitting in a circle all 2 hours, holding hands and chiming prayers to our breasts. But no such luck. Instead we ended up learning about all the misconceptions about breastfeeding newborns and babies. Contrary to what all of you think, it is not a very 'natural' thing to figure out. It is not a simple matter of nipple-to-mouth. Also, after questioning my mother-patients, a good 80% of them have had trouble breastfeeding and had to switch to formula. It is amazing to see how many people need education in this matter. Please take a class or two on this one. And take notes.
Tip #6: BABY BARGAINS. There's a book called "Baby Bargains" that has the top-rated baby consumer goods; updated every year. From brands of cribs, to diapers, to breastpumps, they keep budget and value in mind and weigh it all against quality and give recommendations on what to buy. We have folllowed this book pretty diligently, but I also heed warning that you DO NOT HAVE TO BUY EVERYTHING. One of the biggest tips I have is to wait to buy some items because you may never know what your baby prefers. We bought a bouncer, but didn't buy the swing. We also didn't buy a stroller. I know, some of you would be reading this and think that a stroller is probably one of the most important things to get. But frankly, I beg to differ. Growing up, I never had a stroller. Even into my toddler years, I was always held or walked with. In fact, it makes me laugh when I go to the zoo or museums and see these ginormous Hummer-sized strollers literally splitting the shins of anyone who comes near them. Absolutely ridiculous. Maybe I'll think differently later on, but I prefer to hold Ava to my chest and see her reactions to things. It's more interactive that way. With new baby things, it's easy to get carried away. You don't have to get new everything, you can go to consignment stores or take hand-me-downs from people to save a little dough (because God knows you're probably going to wipe out your bank account after she's born).
Safe to get used: Clothes, breastfeeding pillow (you can wash them), rocking chair, maternity clothes, plastic toys.
Need to get new: Car seats (they get dinged up a lot and need updates every year for safety), cribs (the drop-down sides of older models are a hazard), breastpumps.
TIP #7: AVOID HAZARDS. Especially walking in snow/ice. The plancenta is the most important part of your pregnant uterus. If it is knocked out of place (called placenta abruption), your baby is in trouble. This could happen with a fall, or with a rear-end car accident. Be careful. Also, no one ever mentioned this to me, but grocery stores are also very dangerous, especially on a Sunday. You've got massive amounts of people pushing huge heavy carts and not paying attention to where they're going because they're busy checking out the shelves. I have come close to several accidents myself with people ramming their carts into me. Another place to watch out is parking lots with people swinging open car doors unexpectedly. Always make sure you have some space around you and be aware of your surroundings.
TIP #8: NUTRITION. I know how hard it is to stick to the food pyramid. I definitely don't and sure I feel guilty about it, but I'm sorry - I'm human. But don't go overboard, I met a patient who gained (no joke) 100lbs during her pregnancy. Her boy is now 5 and she still looks pregnant. How did she do it? Fast food everyday. Make sure you eat something green everyday, even though you might not like it, your baby needs it. You will hear all sorts of stuff to eat and not to eat. Fish and shrimp are completely safe, so ignore those who say you can't eat it. In fact, that's where you can get those heart and brain healthy Omega 3's. Avoid shark, swordfish and tuna for its mercury content (does anyone actually eat those regularly??) but everything else is fair game. Here are some of my opinions about certain "good" and "bad" foods:
Sushi: Doctor's don't recommend it because they are raw. True, there is a certain risk of getting sick and having a GI problem which would reduce adequate nutrition to your baby ... but realistically, I have never gotten sick from eating sushi. In fact, all Japanese pregnant women eat sushi, and their kids turn out fine. I say bullocks to this and enjoy your spicy salmon roll.
Luncheon meat and refridgerated salads: Now this is one area where they have made significant research on. Refridgerated deli meats may contain a bacteria called Listerosis. To normal adults, we can fight this bacteria off and be totally fine. With a developing fetus, however, it could cause infections and cause you to have a stillborn. The chances of eating something with listerosis in it is rare in the US, but it sill happens on occasion. I have cheated once here and there on deli meats and refridgerated goods, but try not to have any in your 1st/2nd trimesters when development is still sensitive.
Caffeine: Ditto on above. Just think about how you're like with 3 cups of coffee in your system. Now imagine your brain 20X smaller but on the same dosage. You get the point. Again, I have cheated here and there on this, mostly on sodas. But I am learning as I progress to full-term that even Coke keeps me awake at night. The worst night I have had is one where I've only slept for 3 hours after sipping on some Coke. My workday SUCKED after that. Not smart. Try Sprite or Fanta if to curb your tastebuds.
Organic food: If you have the means to buy this everyday and still be able to afford your mortgage, 401K, IRA's, and baby's 529 plan, while having an 8 month emergency fund, then kudos to you: I am jealous and I wish I am you. Somehow, I really doubt that most people can do this and handle Whole Foods' grocery bills every week. Personally, my priorities are being financially stable than being completely toxin-free. It causes me more stress knowing that I have less of a retirement account than knowing I ate a nonorganic apple. Besides, I'm sure 99% of people in the developed world have grown up drinking from BPA-filled baby bottles, and most of us are still doing good. So chill, people.
Tip #9: YOU WILL KNOW IF YOU'RE IN LABOR. Throughout your pregnancy you're going to feel occasional crampy, tight, sharp, achy pains here and there. They're usually transient. Most of them are Braxton-Hicks contractions, and some of them are classified as "I don't know, just ignore them" pains. I obviously have not gotten in labor yet, but another mom reassured me I will KNOW when it happens. If you feel something odd and you wonder "is this it?" - it's not it. You will know with a definite fact that you are indeed in labor. But ... don't freak out. Everything will be just fine. Let your body go with it, cuss if you have to, scream if you have to, but it's all good - because you're going to have a baby in the end!
Tip #10: GET CONNECTED TO YOUR HUSBAND. Have sex, lots of it. Different positions, different games, different methods. Get super horny and lusty. Your hormones are running around like crazy and you have lots of bloodflow to areas of your body. I swear, pregnancy is the funnest time in the bedroom. Also, he will love it. And it will give you gobs of self-confidence knowing your husband still has the hots for your fat (and growing) ass. Most of all, connect with him. Talk to him about the baby, update him on milestones and doctor visits, have him feel your belly everytime your baby moves or kicks. Discuss your concerns and fears so he understands why you're trippin'. Your baby is the product of two of you, and even though he's not physically connected to her, she is in every part as much of him. Scott and I have grown so immensely close to each other throughout this pregnancy, and I love him and Ava all the more for it.
Hope this was helpful. : )
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